|8 hours ago +1,960 notes|
that person you saw crying today? that’s me not going to comic con
|8 hours ago +5,218 notes|
Okay but consider this: mermaids in space
Space mermaids? As in: alien mermaids that live in the vacuum of space and swim between the stars? A setting that uses the analogy of deep space as the open ocean but keeps all the sea monsters? DO WANT!!
Luring astronauts into black holes with a song that carries across the void where no one can hear you scream
This post turned real fast
|8 hours ago +80,459 notes|
So i have this giant pencil right
I think we all know where this is going.
the amount of people saying that they were expecting me to shove it up my ass is alarming
|8 hours ago +102,272 notes|
2015 is only 5 months away, just let that sink in
What the fuck does the sink want now
|8 hours ago +96,883 notes|
This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.
CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:
- do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
- go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
- if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
- look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
- the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
- works every time
"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING
|8 hours ago +170,183 notes|
i don’t mean to brag or anything, but the 7th harry potter book was dedicated to me
|8 hours ago +4,177 notes|
This is how fucking stupid you sound when you say, ‘No homo.’
|8 hours ago +196,866 notes|
i told my mom that god has killed babies in the bible and she didn’t believe me so i searched it up and to my surprise
there’s a list???
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
in conclusion god is an asshole
okay well I mean ten murders is still bad though so
god gambles with your souls pass it on
This week on “I Didn’t Know I Was a Satanist”
|8 hours ago +105,869 notes|
what real mens activists look like (see more here)
Just so you know, I love all of you.
|8 hours ago +208,405 notes|